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2P!England VS Steve - Insanity :12: by Altalia
by Altalia

I have to say, this looks absoulutly amazing. The shading and coloreds are blended/contrasted perfectly. This drawing looks incredible....

Activity


Some days it’s easier to forget you. I don’t even think of your face.

But, some days I’m stuck in a “What if…” Sate of mind.

What if we had actually gotten together?

What if you didn’t come over when you were hopped up on new medication?

What if you had never  never kissed me?

What if you’d just given me a chance?

What if I could just get over you?

Wouldn’t that be nice. Well, it’s just a thought.

Just like you are most of the time.

Some days it’s easy to forget the fun times we have together.

It’s easy to forget just how happy you make me, or how myself I can be around you.

I don’t like myself. I don’t like anything about me.

But with you, with you I feel like I can just forget my faults.

You like my faults

I thought you liked me, but I guess I was wrong.

Some days I feel like you and I could still be something, when we hang out the thought lingers.

BUt I now that you don’t want me anymore, and that’s what hurts the most.

Or at least that’s what hurts now.

It’s easy to not think of your face, or your voice and how completely perfect you are even if you don’t think you are.

You seemed happy with me.

You talked about everything to me.

You were everything to me.

And you told me you felt the same.

But you still never gave me a chance.

Some days, it’s easy to just forget you.


But some days aren’t.

Somedays I go to work and you’re the only thing I can think about.

I think about everything we’ve been through.

I think of the months I’d stay and waited for a simple “No” from you.

I think of how I”m still there for you.

I help you with your relationships.

I gave you something to look forward to.

And in return, you made me smile wider than I ever have.

What if I had never acted on your words?

What if I had never given you any clue that I liked you?

What if I told you to go home instead of come over when you were hopped up on medicine?

What if I had never kissed you back?

Sometimes I allow myself to to think about what could have been.

I wonder if I’d be happier.

I wonder if you would be as happy as I was.

Somedays I don’t want to think about you, or your name

but your memories won’t leave me be.

For hours on end I think about only you.

And I don’t want that.


Somedays I just wish I could forget you.
But I can’t.

Mature Content


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Chapter Text

You're dying. Cracking from the unimaginable pressure. It feels like your heart could beat right out of your chest, but on the outside you appear calmer. Dave squeezes your hand though, and you're reminded that you suck at poker faces. Go figure. A small sigh escapes you and then Dave speaks.

"You sure about this?" You move your head in a small nod. "Use your words, John."

"For the last time Dave, I'm sure." You're not sure. It's your Dad's trial date, the day you get to learn how long he gets to go to jail. Dave makes a face, moves his lips into a tight line, and squeezes your hand again. Your shoulders sag a bit, “I-sorry. I just… I don’t-” Dave pulls you in close for a hug. You breath him in and encircle his waist in your arms.

“Just breath. We know this is hard for you to do.” You let his arms and words try to melt the stress away from your shoulders.  

“Dave, I don’t want to do this.” You whisper. Your Dad is a good man, maybe he wasn’t the best for the last, what, year? Year and a half? Before that he was the most loving man, he was the best Dad any kid could’ve wanted. He still  is   that man and you know it. These other people can’t see that though. All they see when look at your Dad is a monster, but he’s not! Dave shushes you, and rubs your back.

“I know you don’t.” He mumbles in your hair and sighs before Bro comes out.

“Hey, the trial’s starting.” Your breathing gets funny for a second, but Dave refuses to let go, he just rubs your back until you let go and move back.

“Okay.” Your voice is shaky.

Bro claps your shoulder on the way in and you take a seat in the row second from the front. You take a deep breath and look up as the judge starts speaking, and you try so hard, but you can’t stop your eyes from wandering to him. His skin is paler than usual, he’s lost a bit of weight, and his hair is shaggy compared to how well styled it usually is, but that’s all you can see from the back. The judge reads off the charges, two counts of rape and charges of attempted rape.  

Your breath catches in your throat when you hear your Dad plead guilty almost instantly.

“John Egbert, do you want to say anything?” The judge’s attention is on you know, you almost bow your head , but your eyes meet a paler set.  

Distantly you can feel yourself breathing out your dad’s name silently. He smiles sadly at you and mouths an apology. You blink and the Judge tries to get you to speak again, but it's Dave shaking your shoulders that finally makes you pull your gaze away from your Dad long enough to say a quiet “No your honor.” You move to meet your Dad’s eyes again, but he’s already turned back.

“Samuel James Egbert, you plead guilty to all charges and you will receive 5 years in with two years probation.”

Your breathing gets funny again and Dave places his arm around your waist, thumb rubbing your hip softly. You keep yourself together for the most part, always somehow touching Dave, holding hands or hip holding, just always touching in some way. When your Dad  is escorted out by the police you almost get up to follow him, but Dave’s hand in on your shoulder.

“John.”

Your head snaps towards the judge.

“I’m sentencing you to 6 weeks of therapy.”

You shake your head and she raises an eyebrow at you. “I’m okay.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Your honor, I’m really fine.”

“Alright, if you’re as fine as you say you are then I’m sentencing you to three weeks of therapy.”  

You open your mouth to object, but Bro nudges you and shakes his head a bit. You sigh, “Alright, thank you your honor.” She nods and dismisses you, but you pause when you get into the aisle. “Um, your honor?”

“Yes?”

“When...uh, when can I see my Dad again?”

Everyone seems to freeze at your words, Dave and Bro more so. “You want to see him again?” You nod, “Why?”

“Well, he’s my Dad, and you’ve probably only heard the bad things about him, but, he really is a good Dad.”

“So a good Dad rapes his child for being gay?”

“No! He wasn’t the best father for the past year or so, but before that he was the best Dad in the world! We went to church every Sunday, we’d eat our meals together and talk about school. Sometimes we’d set aside days to just hang out or even go to the movies. He was always there for me when I got beat up at school, or fumbled down the stairs like the klutz I am. He was always there. Even in the past year. Yes, he hurt me, but, he still cared about me and my well being. He never starved me or anything. Sometimes we’d even go to the movies, and he’d still try to talk to me most days.” You can see you’re wavering the judge’s opinions of your Dad. You take a breath, “That’s why I want to know when I can see him again.”

She sits there for a few minutes, tapping her leg and lost in thought. “Alright.” You’re almost startled by how suddenly she speaks. “In 36 months you can see him again freely.”

Your voice is softer know. “Can I visit him in prison?”  

“Not for 36 months.”

You nod solemnly. “Thank you your honor.” She nods and waves you off.

You turn to see Dave and Bro eyeing you, and you reach out to take Dave’s hand. He doesn’t hesitate to lace his fingers with yours, “I knew you had it in you.” He whispers as you leave and it makes you smile.

36 months. Then you can see your Dad.

3 years, and you can talk to him again. That’s not very long, and maybe he’ll even be out by then.
DaveJohn -Sadstuck- Chapter 15/?
Hello beauties, I'm so sorry for a short chapter, I'm also at a cross roads here. I could very well end this story here and now on this chapter, but I could also keep going.
But since I really can't make up my mind (the pros and cons are so perfectly balanced) I was thinking I'd leaving it up to you guys!
Let me know if you want me to keep going or if you think this ending here is a good enough!
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Chapter Text

It’s been two days since you left your room. Dave’s constantly fretting at the door, façade long broken. He’s begging you from the time of five til he passes out to come out and eat. Bro comes by multiple times a day when Dave’s at school.

The police keep calling you and coming over.  

You’re cutting again. You’re sides are fucked up ten ways to hell, but you don’t care anymore. You just don’t fucking care anymore.

You haven’t said a word in two days. You haven’t unblocked your door in two days. You still haven’t stopped crying in two days.

“John?” There’s Dave again. It’s a soft voice, desperation leaking into it. You now he’s hurting, but so are you. “John, the police are back. Please come out.” He’s voice sounds pretty broken up.

You don’t say anything. You don’t move. You can’t find the energy to.

“Please, at least let me now you’re still alive.” His voice cracks, and it’s just the slap in the face you needed.  

You made Dave cry .

You attempt getting up, but gravity is having other plans. It probably doesn’t help that you really haven’t move in the past two days. “John?” You hear a sniff then his footsteps retreating from the door only for two sets heavier one’s replace them.  

“Mr. Egbert, please come out. We need your side of the story.” They have no sympathy, it almost feels like a one sided conversation with a robot. You still manage to get your feet under you, but the world is fuzzy and you cant see straight. So you lean on the wall for you don’t know how long. Until the spots go away. Then you take down the barricade in front of your door. You unlock it and wince at the light. You’ve had the shades drawn for the past two days. Bro looks surprised to see you.

“Glad to see you, Jonathan. Know then, could you just-”

“I’m not here to talk to you.” Your words shock them into stepping back as you move past them. One grabs your shoulder but you jerk away from them, “Don’t touch me.” Then your gone in Dave’s room. He’s even more surprised to see you. You were right, he’s crying. Though even you have to admit it’s kind of cute that his nose turns really red-- this is not the time for that. Dave comes up to you, arms fidgeting at his sides.

You move his shades away and look at his eyes. He's got some pretty bad bags, and his eyes are basically bloodshot, holy hell. It’s just know hitting you how worried he must’ve been. How worried he must still be.

You hug him. He’s stiff for a few seconds, then he’s hugging you so tight you think you might suffocate. Not that you would mind dying in Dave’s arms. You feel him trembling and shaking uncontrollably.  

“I thought you hated me.” He whispers it in your ear, and you squeeze  him back, no matter how much it hurts when he squeezes you in return.  

“I could never hate you.” Your voice is a little scratchy after no water or speaking for two days. It doesn’t seem to matter since Dave buries his face in your shoulder. Distantly you hear a door close and Bro’s voice drifts in.

“I told them to go away for the day.” That’s all he says before he’s gone.

“I’m sorry.” You tell Dave. He doesn’t respond.  

You embrace for at least a good hour before he pulls away and wipes his eyes. “Dave, I’m sorry.”  

He slides his shades back on. “I know you are.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m just sorry I can’t help you.”

“No, no!!” You quick to wrap your arms around his waist. “I-I was just angry! You do help! I mean, you are helping me.” You swallow thickly in an attempt to wet your throat.

“Do you still want to be with me after what I did?”

You’ve been thinking about it for the past two days, but know that you actually see Dave and how everything else in the world kept moving you can say your answer with fully certainty. “I’ve been think about it for awhile.” You pause again to swallow, but your throat hasn’t been this moist in a while so it’s sticking to itself. “I was going to say no, I don't want be with someone who would lie and break a promise to me-” You see his heart shattering and more tears springing to his eyes, “But, I know...that you wouldn’t have done it unless you knew with full certainty it was for a good reason.” He wipes his eyes. “So, yes. I still want to be with you.” You kiss him lightly and you feel his body relax against yours. “I’m sorry, about everything. About being stubborn, about pushing you away, about turning my back on you when you needed me. I’m sorry.”

He cracks a smile. It’s that small smile that he only ever lets you see. “I need you now, and here you are. Right in my arms.”

“That’s where I’m planning on staying for the rest of the night after I get some water and maybe some soup.”

“Chicken or tomato?” He kisses your forehead.  

You hum, “How about some tomato?” He nods and lets go and so do you.

 

Bro is in his room, so you go there next while Dave goes to the kitchen. You stand in the doorway and tap lightly on his door. He stiffens and turns around.

“Hey Bro.” You voice is shaky again. He just nods slowly. “So, uh, I’m sorry.” You walk in. He sits up more.  

“You leaving or something?”

“No, I just, know you wanted to apologize for being such a piece of shit.”

He snickers with a smirk and you grin a bit. “When aren’t you a piece of shit?”

You think it over, “On those rare occasions I cook dinner?”

“You make you us do the dishes, you’re still a shit.” You laugh, a real laugh and he stands, still chuckling.

You don’t hesitate to hug him, and you feel him tense against you. He’s not really a hugger, but you know he’s still worried about you.

“I’m staying here, if that’s okay with you.”

He rubs the space between your shoulder blades. “Yeah. That sounds just about fuckin’ perfect to me.”

 

__---_-__------__--__--_--___----_

 

    “No.” You sit there stubbornly on the futon while Dave and Bro face you from the table and keep trying.

“John-”

“No.”

“Just, listen-”

“I’m not pressing charges against my Dad!”

“John.” Bro’s voice cuts in cleanly. You huff. “Look John, I know you probably don’t understand this, but your dad committed a serious felony and he needs to be punished by the laws of the state.”

“He’s my Dad!”

“What if he wasn’t?” You open your mouth, but nothing comes out as your trains of thought come to a halt. What if it  wasn’t  you Dad who had rapped you?? What if it was just a homeless person hopped up on adrenaline? “You’d want him to go to jail, right?” Bro’s voice makes you look up at him again.

You shoulders sag. “But this isn’t a stranger. It’s-”

“It’s your Dad, and I get that.” Dave leans back a little. “But even you can’t argue with the fact that if it wasn’t your Dad you’d have no problem sending him to jail.”

“Well no…”

“John, if you won’t do it for you, then what about your Dad?” Bro throws out.

“What?”

“You Dad goes to church at least once a week. Do you really think he’d be able to live with himself knowing what’s done. He’s fessed up, he's going either way.”

You breath out a sigh. “I don’t want to press charges, especially if he’s already going to jail.”

“There’ll be a trial.” Bro states in that deadly serious voice. “And they will want you to testify against him. Can you?”

Another breath in. “Yeah.”  

“Are you sure?” Dave’s concerned voice drifts in.

You look over at him, “Yeah. I can do it.”

“But  will  you?”

“Yes.”

They nod slowly.

 

There’s a knock at the door and Dave answers it. “John Egbert?” You raise your hand as two officers come in. “Are you ready to cooperate?” You just nod. “Good. Can we get your side of the story, please?”  

 

You take in a deep breath and start to relay everything.
“Bro, I need to tell you something.”

“Oh, you finally want to get tested to see if you're clean?” He whirls around, smirk dropping into a frown as he sees your very serious face.

“It’s about John.” He sits up straighter, giving you his full undivided attention. You take in a breath.



“You need to make a promise to me first.”

Bro arches an eyebrow just above his shades to signal that he’s getting annoyed you haven’t spilled it yet. “You now I don’t make promises Dave.”

“Well you need to.”

“Dave, what’s this about?” He’s getting annoyed at having to wait. “And where’s John? I didn’t hear him come in with you.”

“He stayed behind at school to work on an art project. He’s fine, relax.” He visibly relaxes. “Okay, know Bro, you really need to promise me on your porn star reputation and on Cal that you will not leave this house when I tell you this thing.” He’s out of his seat at that, but you hold up your hands, “Easy Bro, easy.”

His jaw grits. “Fine.” He spits it. “I’ll fucking promise, but you’d better not leave out anything or I will beat your ass, so hard.”

“You might want to sit down for this.”

“Dave.” He’s snapping and getting fidgety.

You take a deep breath. “John’s been slowly telling me over the course of the passed week and a half about what he’d been going through at his house.” Bro’s eyes are cold and focusing on you with such an intensity that your throat is going a bit dry. You wet your lips a bit. “Other than daily beatings his Dad would tell him to break up with me.”

“Is that all?” He’s growling the words out, barely restraining himself.

“No.” You say it a little too quickly. “Okay, so, remember the first time I brought John over here? Like, that day he came out to his Dad?”

“Where are you going with this Dave?”  

“John told me…” Your voice wavers a bit, and you see Bro’s eyes get colder somehow. He knows something’s up, and he really doesn’t like it. “He told me his Dad…” His jaw keeps grinding and his body is getting more and more tense every second. “His Dad...he r-raped him.” You curse that stutter, but your knees are shaking and the sweat on your skin won’t go away. You’re so nervous. You’re scared Bro won’t keep his word.

Nothing is said for a minute.

“Dave.” His voice isn’t shaking like yours was, it’s eerily steady and you almost flinch at it. “If this is some sick, twisted joke you better tell me  right  fucking now-”

“It’s not a fucking joke!” You snap back. His forehead vein is showing, and his arm muscles are bulging with the mental effort he’s putting in to not move from that spot.

“You’d better give me one goddamn good reason I shouldn’t go out and kill that lowly self-centered bastard.”

“John’s safe now. we still need you here not in prison, and you swore on Cal.”

“I’m gonna kill that man.”

“No you’re not. I can’t let you do that. Hell I can’t let you leave this room until you cool you head.”

“You’re not going to let me?” His voice sends a chill right through you.

“Bro. You promised.”

“He fucking  raped  John.”

“I know.” You bow your head in knowing. “It makes me sick, but making John feel like it’s all going to be okay makes me feel better too.” This makes him stop and contemplate. He takes a deep breath.

“Hand me the phone.”  

“Bro why-”

“Just hand me the phone.” You now he’s still not trusting himself to move out of that chair. Frankly you don’t trust him to go out of his room either, so you fetch him the phone.

“What are you doing?” He snatches it out of your hand and dials only three buttons. You don’t try to stop him. You now he’s doing the right thing. You just hope John will understand.

“Hey, I’m here to report a rape.” “No, not to me, to my little brother’s boyfriend.” “His Dad.” “Yeah. His Dad raped him.” “James Egbert.” “Yes, I now he’s a church going fanatic.” “Yes, I’ve seen how he is, I know him.” “ Yes, I am fucking sure.”

Fucking hell this is one hell of a conversation. After a few more minutes Bro hangs up and gives you the phone.  

“What did they say?”

“They said they’d go over and double check my information.”

“Meaning…?”  

“Meaning they’re going to go ask that son of a bitch if he raped John, and if he says yes they’ll arrest him. Okay?”

You move back a step. “Got it. Here, why don’t you go take a shower or something and I'll just go somewhere else in the house.” You’re gone by the time he answers.



--__-_-____----__-__-_-___



It not even an hour later Bro comes out of his room. You’re on the couch, guarding the door. You see him and sit up.

“He’s in jail. He fessed right up.”

He’s gone to the bathroom to shower before you get the chance to ask him anything.

This is okay. Everything is going to be fine now.
DaveJohn -Sadstuck- Chapter 13.5/?
Some people voice a wanting of Dave and Bro's conversation and who am I to deny them?
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Muffet by Meowmeowcat1
Muffet

Next up is adorabubble muffet! (At least I think she’s still a bit cute)

I never do backgrounds, and I just remembered why with this one… But it was fun too!!

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Sally Coashi
Artist | Student | Literature
United States
Interests

[ ] the dark
[x] giving birth 
[x] being myself in front of others 
[ ] open spaces
[/] closed spaces
[x] heights 
[ ] dogs 
[ ] birds
[ ] fish 
[x] spiders 
[ ] flowers or other plants 
So Far: 4.5

[ ] being touched 
[ ] fire
[x] deep water 
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk 
[x] the ocean
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning 
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad 
[ ] boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats 
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
So Far: 8.5

[ ] rain
[ ] wind 
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[x] death (not of death, more of whats after that. the afterlife.)
[ ] heaven
[ ] being robbed
[x] falling 
[ ] clowns 
[ ] dolls
[x] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[ ] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[ ] tornadoes
So Far: 11.5

[ ] hurricanes
[/] incurable diseases  
[/] sharks 
[ ] Friday the 13th 
[/] ghosts
[ ] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains 
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[x] being alone
[ ] becoming blind 
[ ] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up
So Far: 13.5

[x] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings 
[/] not accomplishing my dreams/goals 
[ ] blood 
[ ] dinosaurs 
[ ] the welcome mat 
[x] high speed 
[ ] throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] super secrets
Total: 16

If you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it "I'm afraid of __ out of 72 common fears".
If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you're paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you're fearless.
--
My total: 
19 

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:iconzylund:
Zylund Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello my friend c:
Thank you for the favourite(s), I know I took like, forever to reply ^^' Sorry~
Reply
:iconmeowmeowcat1:
Meowmeowcat1 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2014  Student Writer
I apperently took long dear Chap. I'm so sorry! Never you mind about those favorites! How are you doing?
Reply
:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the faves!:D
Reply
:iconmeowmeowcat1:
Meowmeowcat1 Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014  Student Writer
My pleasure!
Reply
:iconsammyxfreak:
sammyxfreak Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
what did you like about "Time Lost"?
Reply
:iconmeowmeowcat1:
Meowmeowcat1 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014  Student Writer
I'm so sorry I sweat to you I meant to respond to this ealier.

What  I liked about your writing?
I liked how I could connect with it. I was in a relastion ship and didn't last very longs and emotional jusnk happened on this end, it wasn't pretty. But yeah, that all happened and I found someone else, and now she's gone for a month or so, and I just got so wrapped up, in how much I could conenct with your writing.

So overall I liked most everything about it.
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:iconsammyxfreak:
sammyxfreak Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much!
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:iconmeowmeowcat1:
Meowmeowcat1 Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014  Student Writer
^^ Anytime.
Reply
:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for faving!:D
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:iconmeowmeowcat1:
Meowmeowcat1 Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Student Writer
My pleasure!
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